If you’re still checking this blog, I think you already know that I’ve given it up. I’m writing a little post mortem, a self reflection on what I’ve learned over the past couple years. Maybe it’ll help any of you readers who stumble across my tiny, anonymous act of rebellion.
I started this blog to release some anger I have for a woman who imposes on my life. My mother-in-law turned into a hateful, spiteful woman after my (now) husband proposed to me. Her actions turned from passive aggressive to aggressive aggressive. In the beginning, I thought this blog was healthy. I was letting out my feelings without complaining to my friends and family, and I was using a creative outlet, something I had all but lost after graduate school. And at first, the posts were a little funny. They quickly turned into lengthy reasons for my growing anger.
I had also turned to an online community for support and guidance, and while I do miss those supportive women and their camaraderie, I had to give that up. See, instead of helping me see, think, and act clearly, it did quite the opposite. My anger and intolerance for Maude seemed to intensify. The advice the women gave me was often right on the money, and they never ceased to make me laugh, but my seeking advice turned into venting, which started to snowball. Boundaries are healthy, and that’s what that group of women helped me to understand. Boundaries and a backbone are important in any relationship, particularly between in-laws. For that, I thank them.
To be fair, I have not seen my mother-in-law since June. She did something that infuriated me, and I decided I needed a break. Maybe that has something to do with my softening feelings. In fact, I’m sure it does, but keeping a long list of complaints on the Internet does nothing for me. Once I get on a roll, I can’t stop thinking of how upset she makes me. It ruins my day, week, month. That’s not how I wish to live anymore. I am not ready to see Maude, and definitely not as often as she has asked, and certainly not just the two of us, but I am ready to let go of the anger.
I believe she will continue to be a rift in my marriage, but I am trying to feel better as a whole, and holding onto the negative feelings she stirs is not helping anyone, least of all me.
So there you have it. You can chalk it up to doing yoga or reading inspirational quotes on Pinterest. Whatever the reason, I am letting it go. Maybe with an eye roll or 53.